The TOUGHLOVE® Organisation and Program

The TOUGHLOVE®  Organisation  and Program

What is a section 21 Company?
These are companies that are registered to provide services and do not intend to make, or to be judged by, the profits that they make. These "Associations Not For Gain" are often funded by donations and foreign funding. Generally they provide services to various "communities" such as children's feeding schemes, organisations that take care of AIDS orphans, religious and charitable organisations etc.

Why we use a section 21 Company?
It fits with our mission to provide services to the families who are being disrupted by abusive behaviour of our loved ones.  It is run and coordinated by “parents’ who have “been there”.

What is the cost and how long will it take?
Annual membership of TOUGHLOVE® costs R180 and a charge thereafter of R20 per person, per meeting.

Printed copies of the manual, for R150,  are available at all meetings. 'Soft' copies costing R120, can be emailed to you.

To be effective, you should count on a minimum of 6 weeks.

How can I help my troubled loved one?
By starting a TOUGHLOVE® program you will learn techniques and set goals with which to arm yourself for the future with your Problem Person and the rest of the family.  During this period the love for your 'Problem Person' does not diminish.  Their bad behaviours are, however treated differently.

Am I the cause of their problem?
Never, while they will often use this as an excuse you will quickly learn that they made their own decisions for which you are not responsible.

Can I stop my loved one from using?
By starting a TOUGHLOVE® program you will soon start to put boundaries into the home.   By changing your own behaviour it’s possible that they will change theirs.

How do I learn to say no?
Once you are strong enough, and with the help of your group, you make changes on a weekly basis in your behaviour towards your Problem Person.  You learn the concept of 'enabling', which in essence means that by continuing to accept or cover up for their bad behaviour you are actually delaying the healing process.

Where do I go for help?
This website has a list of the groups throughout the country.

How do I extricate myself?
The TOUGHLOVE® program will eventually get you to a state where you can function with or without your Problem Person’s recovery.  You never stop loving them but you learn to be less affected by their unacceptable behavioural characteristics.  This change is also likely to be felt and respected by your Problem Person, who may then ask for help.

Who will benefit from TOUGHLOVE®? 
Firstly yourself, and certainly the other members of your family, who have in all likelihood been affected by this problem.  By changing your behaviour you could effect a positive change in your Problem Person.